pressure

last night mydad wanted to weigh me and i refused and refused...i knw my weight has dropped and it would be freaking chaotic if my dad saw my weight...and i know he will force ensure to me which will cause alot of tension and i cant deal with dat esp. now, he kept saying u r chrnic alreadly and u r so skinny...which is so not true, he is the only person commenting my me being thin and when it comes from him it just makes me uncomforable, like i always try to dress fatter w my dad so he wont make such comments....and i feel like i am always under scrutiny by him,

i hate that the scale says i'm 45 but i look fatter that 45,...i think this is 1 of my biggest hurdle....sometimes i get tat"watever, just get fat, daddy will be happy"...i do wnnna gain, like i m not that affected my nos on the scale but moire by how i look in the mirror...my bottom half is like so much more bigger than my upper body and i worry that if i gain i would gain more on my leges which is completely unnessasry and i am not kidding yself cus my jeans fit exactly so defo not me being dsymorpic or some crap...

i wish i could turn back the clock so i never have ano in the 1st place...need to study(y m i not smart?)...such a freaking whiner stop complaining and complaining and actually do something man....