appontiment soon...

i have an appointment later...worried...the last time i was 49, which is above my given
minimum healthy weight of 47.6. btu i know the last time was a fluke because i super water loaded like mad. and i am certain i lost some weight. i DONOT WANT the scale to show my weight less than 47.6 becase it will upset my dad and cause him so so so much hurt and burden. really, that is like the only reason i do not want to fall below the line. that few extra weight onj me caused my so much self hate in terms of appeareance. i hated how cubbier my gace was, how much thicker my legs were. it was horrible. i felt terrible in my clothes. being at a healthy weight made my cranky depressed angry.
47kg is like already in the healthy range. i cant see why they make my mhw 47.6. i keep thinking that i donot have to hit the normal range because i am so so flat chested like honestly anyone who sees my chest area only would automatically say that this is a boy. no real bras ever needed, even trainiing bras are big for me. and boobs makes up quite abit of a person's weight.
i cant stand my body any larger than now, even now i have a hard time accepting my huge my legs are. that's where all my weight goes to...

so anxious right now...