"heavy dinner"

last night, i had 2 saba fish fillet among other things for dinner. saba is a naturally oily fish. i have always loved oily fish. well, yesterday, i found the fish really oily and hard to stomach. but i ate all. then, i could not help myself, check the nutrition profile online, learned that the this fish alone was 500kcals. freaked. what!......i think: ate 500kcals + other stuff. omgomg...i wonder how many kcals was dinner. consequently, i could not focus on studying for my test this morning.

various thoughts that flooded my mind throughtout the night: all the food eaten that day, does it balance out?, should i skip night snack?, cut, cut cut!, i totally should not have eaten 2 fillets!, maybe i can exercise more 2morrow?...

then, i kept lifting mt shirt in front of the mirror, is my body ok?, i want to be lean!,

in the end, ate night snack, spilled some of it, was secretly happy. even threw in a bit of exercise, but also kept think no point as i'm not going to burn much anyway. (if only i knew how to puke, i can get rid of all my anxiety and go bACK TO FOCUSING MY MY STUDY)-(or do i really, do it once, u might do it twice...)

the thing is, i have always eaten saba, and well nothing really happened to me. i think i might be going backwards...
STUPID STUPID STUPID DUMB DUMB, these food thought are freaking annoying.