exercise

i am constantly having these anxious+stress+worry+fustrated feeling in my head. and i cant pinpoint it down to what exactly. i can talk laugh have conversation w others but somethin is constantly there at the back of my mind...

this no exercise restriction daddy placed on me is also driving me insane. truth, i lied and exercised this wk. but school reopens tomorrow n it is almost impossible to access the gym w/o my dad's knowledge. i honestly think that if i openly defy him and go to the gym and will personally drag me out of the gym. my thought is that he is no doctor so why should he decide if i can go to the gym?...and when i go to the gym, i ONLY do weights, i never touch cardio. its not that i want to lose weight, but i want not to be flabby. daddy thinks i exercise to be skinny.NONONNO!,

i also realised how exercise make me feel much more ready for the day. more energy, happier, liviler. i was moody, annoying(more than usual) and constantly thought of exercising. and i do think that stpping me fr exercising will cause me to lose more weight. i dont want to lose my muscles!!...

daddy says i am a exercise addict. i denied. i do not overexercise. (3x weights a wk+<30 mins of some form of cardio a wk)...

...at times, i feel like watever, no exercise then so be it. but then i think, y should i listen,he does not know a think. he keeps equating exerising = weight lost. and that is y i want to see the doc asap. a 1st!, sonce i more often delay and reschedule appointment. i konw i have lost a small amy of weight, but i know doc would allow me some exercise sinnce it is just a little below goal weight.

i hit 47kg which was bmi 18.6= normal and daddy did not let me eercise still and that pissed me big time. doc's goal weight 47.6...why daddy why?...

ok, clearly no exercise is freaking me out.... i want to scream,