normal vs healthy

recovery = healthy or normal?
because
normal ≠ healthy ...
and...
what is the baseline for normal?

counting...

starting to calorie count so that i know that i am eating enough + some to gain weight...i dont really like this cus it takes up alot of time and i have exams coming up..never really count usually as 1)dont really want to know scared to really know how much i;m eating. same reason i refuse to have a proper food journal 2) like adding the cals for stuff like soy sauce garlic and such stuff like really made me annoyed like y is there cals in everything!!!!!.............

...life is so crap at the moment

5 minss ago

its ridiculous people have anrexia, u look atppl in 3rd world, they have to starve, they have famine. it is bcause we have everything that's why...how long more u tell me how long more until u r old?...u go and look at all those people w anoreixa, i dont know y u admire them(wth, where diddaddy get this from?...absolute rubbish), think they r so glamorous, don't u dare fight with me u r not allow to go to the gym tell u so thin wat is the pointof going to the gym...what u r sdoing is folly...

worst dinner ever...

pressure

last night mydad wanted to weigh me and i refused and refused...i knw my weight has dropped and it would be freaking chaotic if my dad saw my weight...and i know he will force ensure to me which will cause alot of tension and i cant deal with dat esp. now, he kept saying u r chrnic alreadly and u r so skinny...which is so not true, he is the only person commenting my me being thin and when it comes from him it just makes me uncomforable, like i always try to dress fatter w my dad so he wont make such comments....and i feel like i am always under scrutiny by him,

i hate that the scale says i'm 45 but i look fatter that 45,...i think this is 1 of my biggest hurdle....sometimes i get tat"watever, just get fat, daddy will be happy"...i do wnnna gain, like i m not that affected my nos on the scale but moire by how i look in the mirror...my bottom half is like so much more bigger than my upper body and i worry that if i gain i would gain more on my leges which is completely unnessasry and i am not kidding yself cus my jeans fit exactly so defo not me being dsymorpic or some crap...

i wish i could turn back the clock so i never have ano in the 1st place...need to study(y m i not smart?)...such a freaking whiner stop complaining and complaining and actually do something man....

wat a fatty dinner had 7 prawns w freakin fatty curry allover it and cabbage dripping in oil it made my lips soo oily gross and oil dressed salad and white rice...i'm angry that daddy felt i did not eat enough when i felt like i ate normal portions and how hard it was for me to not freak out and break down and eat...i know he wants me to be able ti eat anything n everything but its not that easy and it wn't happen, he cant see that i pushed myself...i love my dad but we r on such diff levels

my breakfast ended at abt 10.42...its abt 3.15 now n i starting lunch,...not al all hungry...actually kinda full, but eat anyway, is there even a choice...i wanna eat later. but then it'llscrew up the rest of the day meals...out for dinner 2nite...freaking out abt that...

i m annoyed at ppl who can have a healthy bmi and yet still be skinny...